Things that go hump in the night

As has been previously noted, I sometimes have to battle my inner Englishman who pleads “Don’t make a fuss, don’t cause a scene, don’t complain”. One situation in which I find it very easy to complain, fuss, and make a scene is when someone disturbs my sleep. If you’re making a noise in the early hours of the morning that keeps me awake, I’m not at all shy about knocking on your door and saying “Er, excuse me, I was wondering if you could possibly SHUT THE FUCK UP? Thank you.”
This happened most recently during a stay in a hotel in Croydon, on the way back from a holiday in Devon. At around 2am I was woken by the sound of R’n’B music. Leaving aside the fact that, with one or two exceptions, I loathe R’n’B, the music was also just about loud enough to rouse one of my daughters, who was sharing the room with us. Up I got, out of the room, and started to make my way down to hotel reception (I still wasn’t sure exactly where the music was coming from, thinking that maybe it was a car stereo in the street outside) when I noticed that it was in fact coming from the room next door.
Knock knock
“Er, excuse me…”, etc.
“Yeah, sorry”. Door closed. To be fair, he did then turn the music down immediately, but it still surprises me that people need to be told not to play loud music in a hotel at 2am in the first place.
Back to bed.
Some minutes later I hear a woman’s voice – some heavy breathing, a few excited yelps, rising in volume and frequency, followed by silence.
Oh. Now I get it. The gentleman next door was, in fact, Smoove B.That explains it.