How to annoy me (yes, I’m sure you’re all constantly searching for new ways to do this):
Sit at your desk, talking to yourself, but in such a way that it’s unclear whether you’re really just talking to yourself, or whether, in fact, you’re secretly hoping that I’m paying attention to your stream-of-consciousness and that I will say “that’s fascinating – tell me more!”. Here’s a thought – if you want to say something to me, make eye contact, address me directly, and say something that I can understand and respond to, rather than just verbalising your random thoughts with no attempt to communicate them.
Start talking to me in mid-thought, providing me with no context or explanation, assuming, somehow, that I was able to read your mind and could therefore overhear the preceding part of your monologue, which existed only in your head.
Waffle, prevaricate, qualify, endlessly re-start your sentences, all the while getting no closer to the point you’re trying to make. When asked to be more specific, use words and phrase like “you know”, “the thing”, “stuff”, “whatshisname” and “oh, you know“.
Thank you for listening. I feel much better now, and I’m sure you do too.