A Vision of Britain

A page from The Sandman (which also reminded me of this Fry & Laurie sketch and this scene from The Cable Guy), in which an English man accompanies his American girlfriend to one of those Renaissance Fair-type events where she is working. Repelled by what he sees as the depressing and inaccurate kitschness of it all, he heads for the bar.

“What’s your name?”

“They call me Cordelia, milord”

“No, they don’t. And I bet in real life you don’t sound like that either. Anyway, Cordelia, I’m going to give you these two fifty dollar bills. You, for your part, will bring me beer. And I never want to hear you shout ‘Huzzah, twenty pounds for the king!’ again. Or hear anything else out of you. Don’t call me thee or thou or milord or any of that. Just bring beer. And if some wight who fancies himself a minstrel looks like he’s coming me-wards to play a gladsome melody, then head him off before he gets here or I’m liable to shove his lute where the sun don’t shine. And when I have finished drinking my beer, you get to keep whatever’s left over from the hundred. Got it?”

“Got it, boss”

“That’s me girl. It’s probably cold beer, isn’t it?”

“You can let it warm up”

“It’s not the same”.